forever hoping a celebrity turns up at my door and adopts me
- me watching the Olympics: oh wow, that was impressive!
- announcer: ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!
I want to get chicken nugget tattooed on me but like in Arabic or Chinese so no one will know what it says and when they ask I’ll say it says something inspirational but I’ll know it says chicken nugget and I’ll always laugh
whatever happened to rihanna when she first started singing she was like yee mista dj song pon de replay and now shes like fuck me with a shovel and slap my titties
- Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2, how many do you have left?
- Me: 10